I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
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there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
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the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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