shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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