I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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