I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
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Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
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I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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