In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize