I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize