oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize