I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
