At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
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A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
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I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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