So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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