I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
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Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
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In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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