if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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