i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize