the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
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When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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