Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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