Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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