There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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