I hate all girls vehemently.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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