FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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