Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize