textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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