Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize