btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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