who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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