I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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