At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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