yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
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she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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