was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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