You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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