I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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