I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
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We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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