I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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