Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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