new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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