I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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