I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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