she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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