in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
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Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
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Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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