I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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