So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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