plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize