I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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