wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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