The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize