I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize