It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
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You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
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You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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