nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize