Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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