Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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