I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize